HOMILY XIV.
A Those who are about to take wives should first read the laws regarding marriage set down by Paul, and from there learn what must be done when it happens that a woman is wicked, abusive, full of madness, or suffering from any other such defect. If, therefore, you believe that [the Apostle] gives you authority, upon finding any of these faults, to cast her out and bring in another, as though you were exempt from every danger, you are deceived; if he does not permit this, but commands you to cherish her even if she has all other defects, with the exception of fornication, fortify yourself in such a way that you are prepared to bear her wickedness in all things. If this seems heavy and burdensome to you, do everything and strive to take a wife who is good, moderate, and obedient. For if, when we are about B to buy houses and servants, we act with care and deliberate, examining both those who sell and those who possessed them before, and also the construction of the houses and the condition of the servants, both in body and in soul, with much greater care and with much more foresight must those who are about to take wives provide. For although it is possible to sell a house that proves to be poor, and it is possible to return a servant who proves to be unruly back to the one who sold him, once you have taken a wife, it is not possible to return her to those who gave her.
It is a terrible thing, therefore, to take a poorer wife, and a terrible thing to take one wealthier; for the former brings harm to one’s substance, while the latter brings harm to one's authority and freedom. Many of those who frequent harlots have undergone not only the eternal and immortal death elsewhere, but even here they have perished wretchedly and miserably, enduring the over-reaching C of the harlots. For those women, striving to bind the one who attends upon them completely to their own passion, have stirred up magic arts, prepared love-potions, and written many sorceries. Then, having cast him into a grievous illness, and having surrendered him to wasting disease and long consumption, and having wrapped him in ten thousand evils, they have taken him from this present life. If, therefore, you do not fear hell, O man, at least fear the encroachments of these women. For when you have made yourself destitute of the alliance of God through this excess, and have stripped yourself of help from above, the harlot receives you with impunity, and having summoned her own demons, and having written her charms, and having worked her plots with great ease, she prevails over your salvation, rendering you a reproach and a laughingstock to all who inhabit the city.
If, therefore, you wish to be entertained, D do not go to the theaters, but to orchards, to flowing rivers and lakes; examine gardens, listen to the chirping of cicadas, frequent the monuments of the martyrs, where there is health of body and profit of soul, and no harm. Do you have a wife? Do you have children? What is equal to this pleasure? Do you have a house? Do you have friends? These are very delightful, and along with purity, they provide profit. For what is sweeter than children, tell me? Or what is better than a wife for one who wishes to live temperately? It is said that barbarians once uttered a saying full of philosophy. For upon hearing of these lawless theaters and that base delight, they said that the Romans, as if they had no children and wives, thus devised such pleasures.
Whenever, therefore, you see a beautiful woman, having a shining eye, radiant from her face, bearing some indescribable grace upon her countenance, burning your reason and increasing your desire, consider that what you admire is earth, that what burns you is ash, and the raging soul will be stilled. Uncover the skin of her face, and then you will see the worthlessness of all that beauty. Do not stop at the surface, but pass more deeply in your mind, and you will find nothing else but bones, and nerves, and veins. But are these not enough? Consider her, I pray, changing, aging, falling ill, with eyes sinking and cheeks hollowed out. All that blossom fades away. Consider what you are admiring, and be ashamed of your judgment; you admire mud and ashes, and dust and embers inflame you.
For the substance of the beauty that is seen is nothing other than phlegm, and rheum, and blood, and the juice of digested food. For by these things both eyes, and cheeks, and all the rest are watered; and if that irrigation, rising from the stomach and the liver, does not reach them every day, with the skin sagging beneath what is required, and the eyes becoming hollow, straightway the grace of the countenance departs. So that if you think upon what lies inside the eyes, what lies inside the straight nose, and what lies inside the mouth and beneath the cheeks, you will declare the beauty of the body to be nothing else than a plastered shroud; such is it full of defilement within. Then, having seen a rag holding something of this sort, such as phlegm or saliva, you do not endure even touching it with the tips of your fingers, and you do not even endure looking at it; yet you are frantic for the reservoirs and depots of these things?
Therefore, the one who is lover of the body and frantic for a beautiful young woman, if he wishes to learn by reasoning the loathsomeness of the substance, he will know it through the sight itself. For many of the beloved’s own age, and very often even more brilliant than she, having died—after one or two days—have provided stench, and corruption, and a rotting of worms. Consider, therefore, what kind of beauty you love, O man, and for what sort of appearance you are frantic. For what is the virtue of eyes? Is it that they are moist, and nimble, and round, and blue, or that they are sharp and piercing? And what is the virtue of a lamp? That it shines brightly and illuminates the whole house, or that it is well-formed? For beauty is characterized not by the configuration, but by one’s ways and moderation.
For this reason, Christ punished the man who looks upon a woman intemperately, so that He might free us from the greater labor. For it is not as much labor not to see beautiful women as it is to restrain oneself while looking at them. For the one who has not seen the beautiful face will be pure from the desire arising from it; but the one who desires to see, having first cast down his reason, and having defiled it ten thousand times, then casts out the stain from the desire, if indeed he casts it out at all. Since, therefore, the labor is less for those who are temperate, and the profit greater, why do we strive to fall into that sea of ten thousand evils? Whenever, therefore, you see a beautiful woman, and feel something toward her, look no longer, and you will be freed. And how shall I be able to look no longer, being dragged by desire, he says? If you consider,
A that what you see is nothing else but phlegm and blood and the juice of putrefied food. But the bloom of her face, you say, is radiant. But there is nothing more radiant among the flowers of the earth; yet even these rot and wither. Do not, therefore, attend to the bloom even here, but penetrate within with your mind, and having stripped away that beautiful skin with your reasoning, examine more diligently what lies beneath it. For even the body of those suffering from dropsy looks bright, nor does its surface offer anything foul; but when we are struck by the thought of the humor residing within, we cannot love such things. When, therefore, a man wishes to cast off his wife, or a wife to leave her husband, let him recall this statement B and imagine that Paul is present and pursuing her, crying out and saying: "The wife is bound to the law as long as her husband lives" (1 Cor. 7:39). By declaring this, he does not add: "But if her husband is dead, she is free," but: "But if he sleeps," as if cheering the one who is in widowhood and persuading her to remain with the former, and not to bring in a second spouse. Your husband is not dead, he says, but is sleeping; and who is it that would not expect the sleeper to awake? But when he says that she is free after the death of her husband, he shows that she was a servant while her husband was alive; for while she is a servant and subject to law, even if she receives a bill of divorce six hundred times according to external laws, she is detected as committing adultery. For God will not judge you in that day according to these laws, but according to those which He Himself has set C. Moreover, the external laws do not simply posit this, but they punish the act itself, and are implacable concerning that sin. For from wherever a pretext for dissolution is found, they punish by the loss of property, casting him out naked and destitute of money. It is said that one of the ancient philosophers, having a wicked wife—a chatterer and a drunkard—when asked why he tolerated such a wife, said: "So that I may have a gymnasium and a wrestling school at home; for I shall be milder toward others, having been disciplined by this training every day." This philosopher is therefore said not to have repudiated his wicked wife; indeed, some even narrate that he married her for that reason. When, therefore, the Greeks are more philosophical than we, what defense shall we have when we treat with insult the one for whom God commanded to leave one's parents? What speech will be able to describe such D baseness, when wailing and groaning are carried on in the crossroads, and there is a rushing of neighbors and passers-by into the house of one who has committed such baseness, and who, like some wild beast, destroys the things within? It would be better for the earth to open up against one who commits such things, than for us to see him hereafter in the forum. Let us obey, I pray, the law of God, and let us neither cast out our wives nor take those who have been repudiated by others. For with what eye will you look at the husband of the woman who has been repudiated? With what eye will you look at his friends and servants? For if anyone, having taken the wife of a deceased man, suffers violence and is troubled when he looks at the image of the deceased, how will he live, how will he enter into the house, when he sees the living husband of his wife? With what mind, and with what eyes will he look at that man’s wife, who is now his own? Nay, one might say that she is neither his nor her own, for she who commits adultery is no one’s wife; for she has trampled upon her pacts with him, and has not come to you according to the appropriate laws. What madness would it not be to bring into one’s house a matter laden with so many evils! Is there such a scarcity of women that you should drag such destruction upon your own head? For the woman who was content to have taken her former husband shows that she would not have taken this one either in the beginning, if she had known the experience and the result of the matter beforehand; but she who brings in a second spouse to the bed of the former has given no small sign of her love for the world and her affection for earthly things. And while the first husband was alive, she was not affectionate toward anyone else; but this one, even if she has committed no sin with anyone else while her husband was alive, still, there were many others toward whom she was more affectionate than toward her husband; and she possessed neither the first nor the second as her own flesh. For the first was expelled by the second, and the second by that one; and she can neither remember the first rightly, while she attends to another after him, nor will she look at this one with convenient affection, since her mind is conformed to the one who has departed. For just as we are accustomed to persevere most in the same things when we have experienced a good beginning, but when we feel things to be grievous and difficult from the beginning, and from the very first line, as you might say, we quickly recoil when the affection of our will is extinguished: so too may women who have fallen into untimely widowhood deservedly abstain from second marriages. For she who has been involved in the same things for a long time and is well sated with them, as though she were going to attain the same, will again reach for equals; but she who has experienced the beginnings to be so grievous, with what will and hope will she return to the experiment of troublesome things? For if we admire and approve even those who abstain from their husbands while they are still alive, how is it not necessary to admire and praise those who show equal affection and benevolence to their dead husbands? We do not, therefore, cast out second marriages, but we praise those who are able to restrain themselves and to be content with their first marriage. For second marriages are often the beginning and occasion of fights and quarrels. For often the husband, sitting at the table, reminded of his first wife, sheds tears before the second; and she, being exasperated, leaps forward like a wild beast, demanding penalties for his love toward her; and if he wishes to praise the deceased, his praises are an occasion for war and quarrels. And to our enemies indeed who have departed we offer libations, and after they themselves are dead, we lay aside all enmity toward them; but in the case of wives, everything is contrary; for the one whom she has not seen nor heard, and from whom she has suffered nothing evil, she holds in hatred and turns away from, nor does death itself extinguish the hatred. Who has seen, who has heard of jealousy against dust, and war against ashes? But the evil does not stop here; but whether sons are born from the second wife, or are not born, there is war and contention again: for if they are not born, she is afflicted with greater pain, and looks upon the children of the former wife as enemies who injure her most, receiving a clearer sense of her own sterility through their life: if, however, children
A are born, it is none the less a great evil. For he often feels kindly toward the departed wife, and cherishes her children, loving them and pitying their orphanhood; but she always wishes her own to be preferred. Hear, O husbands, hear, O wives, the affection of spouses, which they displayed toward one another even unto the point of danger. For after Abraham had dwelt in Gerar, he said of Sarah his wife, She is my sister (Gen. 20. 2): for he was afraid to say, She is my wife, lest the men of the city might kill him on her account. And Abimelech the king of Gerar sent and took Sarah. Consider with me the wintry storm of thoughts which the just man endured, when he saw his wife being led away, and was able to offer no defense. He bore all in silence, knowing that the Master would not overlook him, but would quickly provide help. And one may also admire the great affection of Sarah, which she displayed in order to snatch the just man from danger. For she was able to reveal the drama and, by telling the truth, escape the manifest outrage; but she endured all things courageously, so that she might secure salvation for the just man; and that which was said was fulfilled, They shall be two into one flesh (Gen. 2. 24). For just as they were one flesh, so did they care for each other’s salvation, and exhibited such great concord, as being one body and one soul. Let men hear these things, let women hear them, so that both they may show such great affection toward their husbands, and they may have so great goodwill toward them, and as having acquired one soul, and being one body, so may they transact all things. And God came to Abimelech in the night, and said: Behold, thou art dying because of the woman whom thou hast taken; she is one who has lived with a husband (Gen. 20. 3). Behold the philanthropy of God: since He saw that the just man, because of the fear of death, had bravely borne the removal of Sarah, and that the king had taken her thus as the sister of the just man, He finally displays His own providence, at once showing the just man to be more illustrious, and freeing Sarah from the outrage, and delivering the king B from the lawlessness. But Abimelech, it says, did not touch her, but actually makes an apology for the daring act, and says: Lord, wilt thou slay a righteous and ignorant nation? Did I not say, if I had known she was his wife, I would not have done this? Did I not do this without wishing to wrong the stranger? Did I not take her not as a wife, but as I was about to receive a sister, did I not do this, thinking even by this to honor him? Did he himself not say to me, She is my sister? And did she not say to me, He is my brother (Ib. v. 5)? What then does the philanthropist Master say? I too knew, C that thou didst this with a pure heart, that they themselves contrived this drama, and that thou, having been deceived by what was said by them, hast done this; and for this reason, so that thou might not sin because of their deception, I spared thee from sinning against me. Do not therefore pay attention to the man simply, as if he were one of the common crowd, but learn that he is among those who are highly esteemed by me, and of those who have great intimacy with me. Render therefore the woman to the man, for he is a prophet, and he will pray for thee, and thou shalt live (Ib. v. 7). For he, fearing death from thee, prepared this drama, and almost cooperated in the deception of Sarah; but know that his prayers will provide life. But if thou dost not render her, know that thou shalt die, thou and all that are thine. For not only thyself, but also all that are thine shalt thou pay the penalty for disobedience. And Abimelech, having arisen, called his servants, and spoke all these words into their ears; then he called also Abraham. Consider with me with how much prominence the just man is then introduced to the king, who a little before was considered contemptible, and knowing nothing of these things. He was learning therefore from the king himself the things that had happened to him from God on his account; for he said to him, What is this that thou hast done to us? What have we sinned against thee, that thou hast brought upon me and upon my kingdom a great sin (Ib. v. 9)? Does the punishment, he says, have to stop at me? My whole kingdom was about to be utterly destroyed because of the deceit that had happened through thee. What then didst thou see that thou didst this? For what cause? Having thought what? What then does Abraham say? I became anxious, he says, lest, because you were still held by error, you would have no concern for a righteous man, and having learned that she had become my wife, you might attempt to kill me because of desire for her. Do not therefore think that I have acted thus. For she is my sister by my father, but not by my mother; and she became my wife. Do not therefore condemn me. For even if fear of death placed me into this necessity, and the fearing lest because of her you might kill me, while keeping her for yourselves, yet not even so is that which was said by me a falsehood. Having said these things, the just man softened the anger of the king, and revealed his own virtue, and implanted in them sufficient instruction of godliness. The king, therefore, having respected the great fairness of the just man, rewards the patriarch with his own generosity. For he took, it says, Abimelech, a thousand didrachms, and sheep, and calves, and men-servants and maid-servants, and returned to him Sarah his wife (Ib. v. 14). Do you see the resourceful wisdom of God? For he who was fearing for his life, and doing everything in order to be able to escape it, not only escaped death, but has also been deemed worthy of such great boldness, and suddenly becomes illustrious. For such are the things of God: He not only frees those who strive to stand bravely against the temptations that come upon them from sorrowful things, but He also provides such joy within the very D sorrows, that we even have total forgetfulness of them, and come to be in great abundance of goods; as indeed happened in the case of this just man. For He not only honors him with such great gifts, but also gives him the authority of dwelling in his land. For behold, he says, my land is before thee, dwell where it pleases thee (Ib. v. 15). For since he learned that life had been granted to him through him and his prayers, he hastens to treat the stranger, the wanderer, the one known from nowhere, as a benefactor and guardian. And it came to pass, when Abraham had reached extreme old age, wishing to remove Isaac from the kinship of the Canaanites, so that he might not take a wife from thence, having called the oldest of his servants, he instructs him concerning this, and says: Put thy hand under my thigh, and I will adjure thee by the Lord the God of heaven and the earth, that thou take not a wife for my son Isaac from the daughters of the Canaanites, with whom I dwell in
A in [my] own land, and will go unto my kindred, and take a wife for my son from thence. B Observe the command of the patriarch to the servant who was born in his house; consider how in olden times they used to be diligent, not seeking a great abundance of money, nor many riches and servants and as many yokes of land as possible, nor the bloom of outward beauty, but only the beauty of the soul and the nobility of character. But the patriarch, who was preoccupied with the virtue of the soul and fleeing the wickedness of the inhabitants, does this; while all others would never endure to think of such things, but even if the girl were full of a thousand evils, they seek only one thing, the abundance of money, and consider all other things secondary; not knowing that if the mind is corrupt, even if immense riches flow in, they will quickly return to extreme poverty, and the wealth will be of no use when there is not a soul capable of managing it rightly. Having C taken the camels, then, the servant, and from all the goods of his lord, setting out, he betook himself into Mesopotamia, to the city of Nahor, brother of Abraham, and gave rest to the camels outside the city by a well of water, and said: O Lord God of my lord Abraham, make my way prosperous before thee today, and show mercy unto my lord Abraham. And behold, I stand by the spring of water, and the daughters of the inhabitants are coming out to draw water: and it shall be that the maiden to whom I shall say, Incline thy pitcher that I may drink; and she shall say to me, Drink, and I will give thy camels to drink until they all cease; whom thou hast prepared for thy servant Isaac: and by this D I shall know that thou hast showed mercy unto my lord Abraham. Behold the prudence of the servant. For because he knew the patriarch’s hospitality, and that the maiden who was to be brought from there ought to be akin in character to the just man, he seeks no other sign, but from the will of the maiden he wishes to obtain the knowledge of her hospitality, and he would say: If, when I ask water of her, she should herself incline the pitcher, and not only grant what is asked, but also show the service of her own will, saying: I will also give thy camels to drink; then by offering water in this way she will have displayed the probity of her character sufficiently. Then, because he saw the efficacy of the patriarch’s prayers signified through works, and found the maiden whom he desired, and saw her immense hospitality (for she hastened, and emptied her pitcher into the trough, and ran still to the well to draw, and gave drink to all his camels; nor did she flee from him as from a stranger, nor did she refuse the one asking under the pretext of chastity), he learned at last, and inquired accurately into those things that pertained to her, and asked, Whose daughter was she? and, if there were a place with her father to lodge? And look at the maiden’s response: for when the servant asked whose daughter she was, she indicates not only her father, but also her father’s father, and says: I am the daughter of Bathuel, the son of Melcha, whom she bore to Nahor himself. And when the servant asked again about the place, whether there was room to lodge, she says: Not only room, but much straw and hay with us. Do you see in such an age both the greatest chastity, and the greatest humility, and immense hospitality? To how many riches is this not more precious? To how many treasures would you not think these things to be more excellent? This is the greatest dowry, this embraces countless goods, this is a treasure never exhausted. Having heard these things the servant, admiring the lavish hospitality, and having learned that he had not come to strangers, but into the house of Nahor, who was the brother of Abraham his lord, rejoicing over those things which had been said to him by the maiden, he worshipped the Lord, who, because of His benevolence toward the patriarch, had exhibited such care for him, that He had thus made all things easy and prosperous for him: and said: Blessed be the Lord God of my lord Abraham, who has not taken away His justice and His truth from my lord Abraham. And then he himself indicates who he is to the maiden, and declares to her through the thanksgiving rendered to God, that he did not come from a strange house, but that he was the brother of Nahor, who had sent him. Having heard these things the maiden, running with much joy, announced to her parents what she had heard from the servant. And Laban ran to the man where the fountain was; and seeing him standing with the camels, said to him: Why do you stand outside? Come, enter: for I have already prepared the house, and a place for the camels. Then when he had entered, he untied the camels; and gave them straw and hay, and water to wash his feet and of the men who were with him, and set before them bread to eat. But here observe with me the servant’s great prudence. For what does he say? I will not eat, until I have taught you the cause, for which I have been sent, about to measure so great a way, and why I have arrived here from Canaan, and how I have been led into your house, that learning all these things, so also you might exhibit your benevolence toward my lord. And beginning to relate, he says: I am the servant of Abraham: the Lord however has blessed my lord greatly, and has given him sheep and calves, gold and silver, servants and handmaidens, camels and asses. And Sara the wife of my lord bore one son to my lord, after he had grown old, and he gave him all that was his. And my lord adjured me, saying: Thou shalt not take a wife for my son Isaac from the daughters of the Canaanites, with whom I dwell; but thou shalt go into the house of my father, and into my tribe, and thence shalt take a wife for my son. And he indeed commanded these things: I however, considering the difficulties, and regarding it with myself as an arduous matter, asked my lord: What if the woman will not want to come with me? And he said to me: The Lord, in whose sight I am well-pleasing, himself will send his angel with thee, and will make thy way prosperous; and thou shalt take a wife for my son from my tribe and from the house of my father. These things having commanded, and having prepared the way for me with such prayers, he sent me. Since therefore his prayers have been heard, and thus all things have been clearly dispensed by God, so that I have arrived to you; now you also exhibit what is yours; and if you should show mercy toward my lord, announce it to me, that I may know what I must do; if not, so that I may take another way. And the father and brother of the maiden say to him: From the Lord has this word gone forth; we shall not be able to say to you neither good nor evil: for it is not possible that this be done by us. Behold you have the maiden, having taken her, depart, and she shall be a wife to the son of thy lord, just as the Lord has spoken. Having heard these things from the father and brother, the servant worshipped the Lord, falling to the earth; and bringing out gold and silver vessels and raiment, gave them to Rebecca; and thereafter served her with confidence, as one already betrothed to Isaac by his words: with gifts also honored