Life of Mary of Egypt

LIFE OF MARY OF EGYPT WHO FROM A HARLOT BECAME AN ASCETIC IN THE JORDAN DESERT

[PROLOGUE]

^A It is well to hide the secret of a king, but glorious to proclaim the works of God; for thus the angel said to Tobit after that miraculous restoration of his blinded eyes, and those tribulations which he endured, and from which he was delivered on account of his piety. For indeed, not to keep the secret of a king is a harmful and dangerous thing; but to keep silent about the works of God brings the soul into peril. Therefore I, fearing to be silent about divine matters, and looking to the judgment pronounced upon that servant who, having received a talent from his master, hid it in the ground and left unfruitful what had been given for profit, shall by no means shroud in silence the sacred narrative which has reached my ears. Let no one hesitate to believe what I write upon hearing it, or imagine that I am engaging in invention, or be struck silent by the magnitude of the matter; for far be it from me to corrupt the sacred discourse in which God is named by telling lies. But as for those who think small thoughts, unworthy of the magnificence of the incarnate Word of God, and happen to disbelieve what is thus told, to me it seems they do not have reason on their side; if, however, there are some who encounter this writing, and, standing agape at the paradox of the account, are unwilling to readily believe, may the Lord be merciful to them, since they too, considering the weakness of human nature, judge as incredible whatever is said to be beyond human grasp. Nevertheless, I shall proceed to the narrative itself, about a matter that came to pass in our own generation, which a holy man, from childhood taught to speak and act in divine ways, has recounted. Yet let not even this lead those who read it into disbelief—that they should deem it impossible for such a wonder to occur in our generation; for the grace of the Father, passing through the generations into holy souls, fashions friends of God and prophets, just as Solomon taught. It is time, therefore, to begin that sacred narrative.

[CAPUT I]

The monastic life of Saint Zosimas, his approach to the Jordan, and his discovery of Mary.

^C There was a man in the monasteries of Palestine, adorned in life and speech, who from his swaddling clothes had been nurtured in monastic customs and practices.

^A And let no one, because of the name, think that I am speaking of that Zosimas who was once condemned in his dogmas as a heretic; for this one is different from that one, and there is a great difference between the two, even if they both happened to bear the same name. This Zosimas, then, was orthodox; he lived from the beginning in one of the ancient monasteries, undergoing every form of asceticism and becoming adapted to every kind of self-control. For he observed every rule handed down by those who had trained him for such a wrestling-ground as this, and he himself added many things of his own accord, seeking to subject the flesh to the spirit. And he succeeded in this to such a degree that, on account of his vast experience in spiritual matters, many would often flock to him from neighboring or even more distant monasteries so that his teaching might form them for perfection.

But since the elder had acquired such skill in the treatment of souls, he never grew lax in the meditation of the divine utterances; rather, he insisted upon them, whether he was lying on his bed, rising, working with his hands, or taking food when it was appropriate. If you wish to know what food he found tasty, it was that which was never consumed and never failed him: to chant unceasingly and to ruminate in his heart upon the sacred Scriptures. Indeed, some even say that he was often judged worthy of divine visions, his mind being illuminated from heaven; for as the Lord says, whoever has purified their own flesh ^B and lives soberly, as they keep the eye of their soul ever watchful, they will behold the spectacles of divine illumination, receiving from them even then the tokens of the good that awaits them.

3. Zosimas himself used to say that he was given to this monastery from his very swaddling clothes, so to speak, and that he had persevered in the monastic course for fifty-three years. But after this time he began, as he said, to be troubled by certain thoughts, as if he were already perfect in all things and in no way in need of any other instruction. For this is how he used to reason within himself, as he said: “Is there, I wonder, a monk on earth who can be of use to me, or who has the power to teach me any form of asceticism which I do not already know and have not already experienced in my own practice? Or is there anyone among those philosophizing in the desert who surpasses me in either action or contemplation?” As the elder was thinking these things, someone stood before him and said: “O Zosimas, you have struggled well indeed, and as far as it was possible for a human being, you have ^C run the monastic course well; but there is no one among men who possesses perfection, and the struggle set before you is greater than that which has already passed, even if you do not know it. Therefore, so that you yourself may know how many other paths there are that lead to salvation, go out from your land and from your kindred and from your father's house, like that Abraham who is honored among the patriarchs, and come to this monastery which is situated near the Jordan river.”

4. Immediately, then, the elder, following the command, went out from the monastery in which he had lived as a monk from his childhood; and having reached the Jordan, the holiest of rivers, he was led by the one who had commanded him to that very monastery in which God wished him to be.

^A Having knocked on the door with his hand, he first encountered a monk who was guarding the door. He announced him to the hegumen, who received him; and having observed his habit and modest bearing, and having watched him prostrate himself in the manner customary among monks and receive a blessing, he asked him, ^B "Whence have you come, brother, and for what reason have you come to these humble elders?" Zosimas replied, "Whence I am, there is no need to say; but I have come, Father, for the sake of spiritual profit. For I have heard glorious and praiseworthy things about you, capable of drawing a soul into intimate fellowship with Christ our God." The hegumen said to him, "God, brother, who alone heals human infirmity, will teach both you and us His divine will, and will guide us to do what is fitting. For a man cannot profit another man unless each person attends to himself continually and performs what is necessary with a sober mind, having God as his witness and the helper of his actions. Nevertheless, since, as you say, the love of God has moved you to come and see us humble elders, stay with us if it is for this reason that you have come; and the good Shepherd, who gave His soul as a ransom for us and calls His own sheep by name, will feed all of us through the grace of the Spirit." When the hegumen had said these things to Zosimas, he prostrated himself again, asked for a blessing, and having said "Amen," remained in that monastery.

5

6

the elders greeting one another and the abbot, each one of them bowing down and asking to receive a prayer and to have an experienced fellow-combatant for the struggle that lay before him.

7. When these things were done, the gate of the monastery would open, and they would sing in concord: "The Lord is my light and my Savior, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the protector of my life, from whom shall I tremble?" (Ps. XXVI, 1), and the rest of the psalm. They would all issue forth from the monastery, often leaving one or two to guard it, not that it needed protection for what was kept within (for there was nothing amongst them that was vulnerable to thieves), but so that the oratory should not be left without sacred ministry. Each one would provide himself with sustenance as he wished and as he was able; this one carried bread in proportion to the needs of the body, that one dried figs, another dates, another legumes soaked in water, while another carried nothing at all, save for his own body and the humble garment in which he was clothed, sustaining himself, when nature demanded nourishment, on the herbs that grew in the wilderness. Among them, it was an inviolable rule and law: that no one should know of the rigor or the manner of another's asceticism. For once they had crossed the Jordan, they would separate themselves far from one another, adhering to strict solitude, so that no person might encounter another; and if anyone saw another coming from afar, he would immediately turn aside from the straight path and direct himself to another part, living for himself and with God, chanting continuously and eating such food as was at hand. ^B

8. Thus, having spent all the days of the fast in this manner, they would return to the monastery on the Sunday before the life-giving resurrection of our Savior from the dead, the feast of which—the feast of palms—the Church has received to celebrate. Each one would return, carrying the produce of his own intention, his own conscience witnessing how he had labored and what seeds of toil he had sown; for no one presumed to ask another how he had accomplished the struggle that had been set before him. Such, then, was the rule of the monastery, and it was so perfectly completed, because each of them, being in the desert, struggled alone under God, the judge of the contest, as though not seeking to please men, nor fasting for the sake of ostentation: for those things which are done for the sake of men and for the purpose of pleasing them—not only do they not profit the doer at all, but they even become the cause of great harm to him who commits them. ^C

9. At that time, Zosimas, by the customary law of the monastery, crossed the Jordan, carrying a few small provisions for the needs of the body, and the very garment in which he was clothed. He continued the rule as he passed through the desert, and he made the necessity of nature the time for taking food; he would sleep at night, lying down briefly on the ground and taking moderate sleep, wherever the time of evening might overtake him. At early dawn, he would again set out on his way, constantly maintaining a vigorous pace. He was seized by a desire, as he said, to travel into the inner wilderness, hoping to find some Father dwelling there who might be able to help him toward that which he longed for. He walked hastily, as if he were striving to arrive quickly at some famous and conspicuous lodging. Having traveled a journey of twenty days, when the time of the sixth hour came, he halted his journey for a little while, and looking toward the east, he finished his customary prayer; for he was accustomed at set times of the day to interrupt the intensity of his journey and to rest briefly from his labor, and to pray and chant by standing and genuflecting. ^D

10. But while he was praying and fixing his eyes upon heaven with an unwearied gaze, he saw ^A on his right side, where he was standing to pray the sixth hour, an apparition appear like a human body. At first he was disturbed, suspecting it to be a demonic phantom, and he began to tremble; but having signed himself with the sign of the cross [and having cast off his fear] [for his prayer had already come to an end], he turned his eyes and saw someone indeed walking toward the south. What was seen was naked, black in body—having become black as if from the heat of the sun—and having hairs on its head [white] as wool, and these were few, so that they did not descend further than the neck of the body. Zosimas, therefore, having seen this and becoming, as it were, beside himself with joy, being overjoyed at the paradoxical sight, began to run toward that side toward which what was seen was also hastening; for he rejoiced with an ineffable joy, since he had not yet seen during all the interval of those days the form or even the shadow of any human [28] [animal, or bird, or four-footed creature]. He sought, therefore, to know who and of what sort the one seen was, hoping that he would become a spectator and an observer of some great things.

11. But when she recognized Zosimas coming from afar, she began to flee and run into the deeper parts of the desert; but Zosimas, as if forgetting his old age and also not considering the fatigue of the journey, exerted himself to overtake the one fleeing, being earnest to do so. He was pursuing, and she was being pursued; but Zosimas's running was swifter, and little by little he became nearer to the one fleeing. And when he had already approached so that his voice could now be heard, Zosimas began to cry out and to utter such words with tears: "Why do you flee me, a sinner and an old man? Servant of the existent God, wait for me, whoever you are, for the sake of the God for whom you have inhabited this desert; wait for me, the weak and unworthy, by the hope which you have of receiving the reward for this your toil; stand and impart a prayer and blessing to the old man, for the sake of God who never loathes anyone." While Zosimas was saying these things with tears, both arrived running at a certain place where a dry torrent bed was formed; it does not seem to me that a torrent ever existed there—(for how would a torrent appear in that land? [29])—but the place happened to have such a configuration.

CHAPTER II. Maria, speaking to Zosima by divine revelation, sets before him the sordid details of her life of prostitution.

12. When, therefore, they reached the aforementioned place, the one fleeing descended and again ascended to the other side, and Zosimas—exhausted and unable to run any further—stood at the other side of the torrent-like place and added tears to tears and groans to groans, so that the one near him might at last hear his lamentations. Then that fugitive body sent forth such a voice: "Abba Zosima, forgive me for the sake of the Lord; I cannot turn around and be seen by you thus face to face; for I am a woman, and naked, as you see, and I bear the shame of my body uncovered. But if you wish by all means to grant a favor to a sinful woman, throw me the cloak with which you are covered, so that I may cover my female frailty, and I will turn toward you and receive your prayers." Then horror and a distraction of mind seized Zosimas, as he said, upon hearing that she addressed him by name; for as the man was of sharp intellect and most wise in divine matters, he recognized that she would not have addressed him by name, whom she had never seen and of whom she had not even heard, unless she were...

illuminated by a prophetic gift of grace.

13 He did this immediately as ordered, and taking off the old and ragged mantle he wore, he threw it over her, standing with his back turned. She took it and covered the parts of her body that needed to be covered more than the others. She then turned toward Zosimas and said to him: "What possessed you, Abba Zosimas, to wish to see a sinful woman? What prompted you to undertake such labor to learn or see anything from me?" He knelt upon the ground, asking to receive a blessing as was his custom, and she likewise bowed down to him. Both lay upon the ground, each asking the other for a blessing, and nothing was heard from both of them other than, "Bless me."

After a long interval, the woman said to Zosimas: "Abba Zosima, it is fitting for you to bless and to pray; for you are honored with the dignity of the presbyterate, and for many years you have stood at the holy altar and have many times been the celebrant of the divine mysteries." These words cast Zosimas into greater fear and anxiety, and the old man became trembling, dripping with sweat, and groaning; he spoke to her, his voice interrupted by sobbing and heavy panting, saying: "It is manifest, O spiritual mother, even from your habits, that you have departed to God and are, for the most part, dead to the world. And it is even more manifest from the gift given to you, in that you so address me by name and declare me a presbyter, whom you have never seen. But since grace is recognized not by honors, but by the qualities of the soul, do you bless me for the sake of the Lord, and pray for me, who am in need of your intercession."

14 Yielding, therefore, to the old man's insistence, the woman said: "Blessed be God, who cares for the salvation of men and souls." When Zosimas had said, "Amen," they both rose from their knees, and the woman said first to the elder: "Why, I pray you, have you come to me, a sinner, O man? Why did you desire to see a woman stripped of every virtue? Nevertheless, since the grace of the Holy Spirit has surely guided you to perform for me some ministry suitable to the time, tell me: how is it with the Christian people today? How do the kings fare? How is the Church governed?"

Zosimas replied to this in few words: "Through your holy prayers, O mother, Christ has granted stable peace to all; but I beseech you, accept the request of this unworthy old man, and pray for the whole world and for me, a sinner, that the journey through this vast desert may not have been in vain for me."

She replied to him: "It is for you, Abba Zosima, since you hold the rank of priest, as I said, to pray for me and for all; for you were ordained for this very purpose. Yet, since we are commanded to yield to obedience, I will gladly do what you have commanded."

15 Having said this, she turned toward the east, and raising her eyes to the heights and extending her hands, she began to pray, whispering. Her voice was not articulated, so that Zosimas could not distinguish anything of her prayer; he stood, as he said, trembling, bowed toward the ground, and saying absolutely nothing. He swore, putting God as his witness, that as he saw her lingering in prayer, he lifted his head slightly from his prostration and saw her raised about a cubit from the ground, suspended in the air. When he saw this, overcome by greater fear and in deep anxiety, daring to utter nothing at all, he kept saying to himself repeatedly: "Lord, have mercy." Yet, lying upon the ground, the old man began to be scandalized, fearing lest [the vision] should be a phantom of the enemy...

and she should be feigning prayer. But the woman, turning round, raised the abba, saying: "Why, Abba, do thoughts disturb you, scandalizing you concerning me, as if I were a spirit and were feigning prayer? Be assured, O man, that I am a sinful woman, though I have been fenced (*te-teichismai*) by holy baptism. I am not a spirit, but earth and ashes, and altogether flesh, having conceived nothing spiritual." And as she said these things, she sealed herself with the sign of the cross—her forehead, her eyes, her lips, and her breast—saying, "Thus, O God, Abba Zosima, deliver us from the evil one and his snare, for great is his power against us."

15 The old man, having heard and seen these things, threw himself upon the ground and took hold of her feet with tears, saying: "I adjure you by the name of Christ our God, who was born of a Virgin, for whose sake you have clothed yourself in this nakedness, and for whose sake you have so wasted this flesh of yours, do not conceal anything from your servant: who you are, and whence, and when, and in what manner you came to this wilderness? Do not hide anything from me regarding your affairs, but recount everything so that you may make the greatness of God manifest. For hidden wisdom and a concealed treasure, what is the profit in either? As it is written, tell me everything for the Lord's sake. For you will not speak for the sake of boasting or display, but so that you may assure me, a sinner and unworthy one. For I believe in the God to whom you live and serve, that for this reason I was led into this wilderness, so that the Lord might make the things concerning you manifest. It is not, therefore, in our power to contend against the judgments of God; for if it had not been pleasing to Christ our God that you should be known and how you have struggled, He would not have permitted you to be seen by anyone, nor would He have granted me the strength to traverse such a journey, I who never intended or was able to go out of my cell."

16 After Abba Zosima had said these and many other things, the woman raised him up and said to him: "I am ashamed, my abba, to tell you the shame of my deeds; forgive me for the Lord's sake. But since you have seen my body naked, I will also lay bare my life to you, so that you may know with how much shame and ignominy my soul is filled. For not as you supposed did I refuse to tell you the things concerning myself from a desire to avoid boasting (for what do I have to boast about, having become a vessel of election for the devil?), but because I know that if I begin to set them forth to you, you will flee from me, just as one would flee from a serpent, not enduring to hear with your ears the shameful things I have done. I shall speak nonetheless, keeping nothing back, but first of all begging you not to cease to pray for me, so that I may find mercy in the day of judgment." And with the old man weeping uncontrollably, the woman began her narration concerning herself, speaking thus:

17 "I, brother, had Egypt as my fatherland. While my parents were yet alive, when I was in my twelfth year, I disregarded the love I owed to them and departed for Alexandria. And how at the beginning I corrupted my own virginity, and how insatiably and greedily I was caught up in the passion of sexual union, I am ashamed even to think; indeed, for that reason, shame forbids me to speak of it now. But one thing I will briefly confess, so that you may understand the ardor of my lust: I lived for about seventeen years as a goad to public lust (let there be indulgence for the expression); and I did this not for the sake of any payment (the truth is my witness, for I often refused to accept anything from those who wished to give). I conceived this plan so that I might cause as many as possible to come to me, performing as a gift what was pleasing to me. And do not think that I did this as one who was rich and did not wish to receive; I lived by begging..."

[GREEK COLUMN] and oftentimes spinning flax, yet I had an insatiable and irresistible desire to wallow in filth; and this was what I called living, and I thought it was the fulfillment of the abuse of nature.

19. Living in this manner, I once saw in the summer time a great crowd of Libyan and Egyptian men running down to the sea. I asked one who happened to be nearby whither these men were so hurriedly running. He answered me, saying, "They are all going up to Jerusalem for the Exaltation of the precious Cross, which is accustomed to take place in a few days." I said to him, "Do they take me with them, if I wish to follow?" He answered me, "If you have your passage money and your provisions, no one forbids you." I said to him: ^B "Truly, brother, I have neither passage money nor provisions; but I am setting out nonetheless, and I will board one of the ships that have been hired, and they shall have to feed me even if they do not wish to; for I have a body, and instead of passage money they shall take that." I wished to go for this reason (forgive me, for I confess it), that I might have many lovers ready for my lust. I told you, Abba Zosimas, do not force me to tell you of my uncleanness; for I shudder, I swear by God, at polluting both you and the air with my words.

20. Zosimas, watering the ground with his tears, answered her: "Speak for the sake of the Lord, my mother, speak, and do not cut short the thread of such a profitable narrative." But she, taking up the former discourse again, added these things: That young man, hearing the obscenity of my words, laughed and went his way. But I, casting aside the distaff that I was carrying (for it had happened that I had been carrying it for some time), ran toward the sea, where I saw the others running. And seeing some young men standing on the shore, ten in number or even more, ^C vigorous in body and agile in their movements, and sufficient for what I required (for they were waiting, as it seemed to me, for other shipmates; for others had already gone ahead and boarded the ships), I, in my shamelessness, threw myself into their midst: "Take me," I said, "wherever you are going; for I will not be useless to you." Then, adding other more shameful words, I moved them all to laughter. But they, seeing my readiness for whatever had been obscenely desired, took me and led me into the ship which they had kept ready; and since they too had what they were waiting for, we immediately began to sail.

21. But what followed from then on, how shall I tell you, O man? What tongue could tell, or what ear could endure to hear, what was done on the ship and along the journey? What things I compelled those wretches to do, even against their will? There is no form of lewdness, spoken or unspoken, of which I was not the teacher to those miserable wretches. Therefore I tremble, Abba, ^D how the sea endured my profligacy; how the earth did not open its mouth and swallow me down to Hades while yet alive, having ensnared so many souls. But as I think, God was seeking my repentance; for He does not desire the death of a sinner, but waits long-suffering, expecting his conversion. Thus, therefore, with such zeal we arrived in Jerusalem; and all the days that preceded the feast I spent in the city engaged in similar or even worse deeds; for I was not content only with those young men whom I had had serving me on the sea and on the journey; but I also corrupted many others, gathering both citizens and strangers for this purpose.

Chapter III. Mariæ conversio et vita in eremo.

22. When the holy feast of the Exaltation of the Cross arrived, I was going around as before, hunting for the souls of young men. But I saw at early dawn

^A all running to the church, and I also went, running with those who were running. I arrived with them at the vestibule of the house; and when the hour of the divine elevation came, I was pushing and being pushed, struggling and eager to enter along with the crowd. And up to the door through which one could finally reach the church itself, where the life-giving wood was being displayed, I, the wretch, advanced with much toil and affliction. But when I stepped upon the threshold of the door, all the others were entering without hindrance, but a divine power prevented me and did not allow me to enter. Again I was pushed back (and jostled), and once more I found myself standing alone in the vestibule. Thinking that this was happening due to female weakness, I again mingled with others and struggled as best I could, pushing with my elbows, forcing myself in. But I was toiling in vain; for again, as soon as my foot stepped on the threshold, the wretched woman that I was, the church received the others with no one hindering, but it would not admit me alone—but just as if a military troop had been stationed there for this purpose, to block my entry, so a sudden power blocked me and ^B set me back again in the vestibule.

23. Having suffered and done this three or four times, I grew weary at last, and no longer able to push and be pushed (for my body had become exhausted from the violence), I gave up, and withdrew, and stood in a corner of the temple courtyard; and only then did I come to a realization of the cause that was preventing me from seeing the life-giving wood. For a saving word touched the eyes of my heart, showing me that the mire of my deeds was what was closing the entrance to me. I began to weep, and to wail, and to beat my breast, and to heave sighs from the depths of my heart; and weeping, I look up above the spot where I was standing and see an icon of the all-holy Theotokos standing there, and I say to her, gazing fixedly: "Virgin Lady, you who gave birth in the flesh to God the Word, I know, I know that it is not fitting or reasonable for me, being so filthy, being so thoroughly defiled, to gaze upon the icon of you, the Ever-Virgin, of you the pure, of you whose body and soul are pure and undefiled; for it is right that I, the profligate, be hated and loathed by your purity. But since, as I have heard, the God whom you bore became man for this very reason, to call sinners to repentance, help me who am alone and have no one to help me; command that I be permitted to enter the Church; do not deprive me of seeing the wood on which the God whom you bore, having been fixed in the flesh, gave His own blood for me as a ransom; command, O Lady, that the door be opened to me so that I may worship the divine veneration of the Cross, and I give you as a worthy surety to the God born of you, that I will no longer defile this flesh with any foul impurity; but as soon as I look upon the wood of the Cross of your Son, I will immediately renounce the world and all that is in the world, and I will depart at once, wherever you, as the surety of my salvation, shall prescribe and lead me."

24. Having said these things, and as if having received a certain assurance, the flame of faith having been kindled, relying on the compassion of the Theotokos, I move myself from that spot where I stood and made my prayer; and I come again, and I mingled myself with those who were entering, and no longer was there anyone pushing me or being pushed, no one hindering me from getting near the door through which they were entering the temple. A shudder and an ecstasy seized me, and I was wholly trembling and quaking. Then, having reached the door which until then had been locked to me, it was as if all the power that had previously hindered me was now opening the way for me, and so I entered without effort, so did I arrive within the holy place, and I was deemed worthy of the life-giving sight of the Cross, and I saw the mysteries of God, and how ready He is to accept repentance. And so I, the wretched one, prostrating myself on the ground, after

and having venerated that holy floor, I ran out, hastening toward her who had stood surety for me. I arrived, therefore, at the place where the written bond of my surety had been signed; and bending my knee before the ever-virgin Theotokos, I used these words:

^A 25. "You, O most merciful Lady, have shown your love for mankind toward me, and you did not loathe the prayer of an unworthy sinner; I have seen glory, which we the profligate are justly not allowed to see. Glory to God, who through you accepts the repentance of sinners. For what more could I, a sinner, contemplate or say? It is time, Lady, that the promises of the surety you stood for me be fulfilled. Now, therefore, lead me where you command; now become, more than ever, the teacher of my salvation, guiding me by the hand toward the road that leads to repentance." And as I said this, I heard a voice from afar crying out: "If you cross the Jordan, you shall find glorious rest." I, hearing this voice and believing that it had come for my sake, cried out with tears, and shouted to the Theotokos: "Lady, Lady, do not abandon me." And having cried out thus, I went out from the courtyard of the temple, and went on my way with haste. ^B

26. As I was going out, someone who saw me gave me three coins and said, "Take these, my mother." I, having taken what was given to me, bought three loaves with them, and took them as a viaticum of blessing. I then asked the man who sold the loaves, "Man, what and where is the road that leads to the Jordan?" And having learned which gate of the city led in that direction, I went out running, and began my journey weeping. Joining question to question, and walking all day long (for it was, I think, the third hour of the day when I saw the Cross), at length, as the sun was ^C inclining toward the west, I reached the church of John the Baptist, which is situated near the Jordan. There, having first prayed, I immediately went down into the Jordan, and wetted my face and hands in those holy waters. Then, in the very church of the Forerunner, I received the immaculate and life-giving mysteries, and I ate half of one loaf, drank from the Jordan, and there I lay myself down upon the ground that night. The next day having come, finding a small boat there, I crossed to the other bank, and again I asked my guide to lead me where it was pleasing to her. Thus I came into this desert, and from that time until this present day I dwell here, waiting for my God, who saves those who turn to Him from instability of spirit and storm. ^D

27. Zosimas said to her, "And how many years is it, my lady, since you have been dwelling in this desert?" The woman answered, "Forty-seven years, I suspect, since I went out of the Holy City." Zosimas said again, "And what have you found or had for food, my lady?" The woman said, "I crossed the Jordan carrying two and a half loaves, which soon dried up and became hard as stone, and by eating them little by little, I finished them." Zosimas said, "And did you thus pass the space of so many years without difficulty, and did not the sudden change trouble you at all?" The woman replied, "You have asked me now, Abba Zosimas, a thing which I shudder even to tell; for if I were to come now into the remembrance of such great dangers as I endured, and of the thoughts that so grievously harassed me, I fear that I might be cast down by them once again." Zosimas said, "Leave nothing out, my lady, which you do not tell me; for I have asked you this once that you might teach me everything without omission."

28. She said to him, "Believe me, Abba, I have spent seventeen years in this desert, struggling [...]

^A with unreasoning and irrational desires. When I sought to take food, I longed for the meats and fish that Egypt possesses; I longed for the drinking of wine, which was my delight—for I used much wine when I lived in the world. Here, however, not even having water to taste, I burned terribly and could not bear the necessity. There also entered into me the irrational desire for obscene songs, constantly troubling me and persuading me to sing the songs of the demons which I had learned. But immediately, shedding tears and beating my breast with my hand, I would remind myself of the vows I had made upon departing into the desert. I would turn my mind toward the image of the Theotokos, my sponsor, and weep before her, asking her to drive away the thoughts that were so afflicting my wretched soul. And when I had wept enough and beaten my breast with all my might, I would see a light shining upon me from all sides, and thenceforth a steady calm would come to me, following the storm.

^B 29. And how shall I describe to you, Abba, the thoughts that would again push me toward fornication? For fire was kindled within my wretched heart, setting me all ablaze and rousing me to a desire for intercourse. But immediately, whenever such a thought attacked me, I would throw myself upon the ground and moisten the earth with my tears, believing that she who had engaged for me was standing by as my protectress and judge, and that she was exacting punishments for the transgression. I would not rise from my prostration upon the earth, which sometimes lasted a day and a night, until that sweet light shone upon me and drove away the thoughts that were harassing me. From then on, I would incessantly lift the eye of my mind toward my sponsor, asking for help for the one in danger upon the sea of the desert; and I did indeed find a helper and a partner in my repentance. And thus I passed the span of seventeen years, conversing with myriad dangers. And from that time until today, my helper has stood by me in all things, guiding me through everything.

30. Zosimas said to her, "Did you not require food or clothing?" She answered him, "Having consumed those loaves, as I said before, I was nourished for seventeen years by herbs and whatever else I found in the desert. As for the garment I had when I crossed the Jordan, it has wasted away and been consumed. I endured great necessity from the cold and, in turn, from the heat of summer, burned by the scorching heat and frozen and trembling from the cold, so that often, having fallen to the ground, I would remain breathless, almost motionless. I struggled ^C with many and various irreparable disasters and temptations. Yet from that time until now the power of God has in many ways preserved my sinful soul and my humble body. For merely thinking of the evils from which He rescued me, I possess a food that is not consumed: the hope of my salvation. For I am nurtured and covered by the word of God, which holds all things together; for 'not by bread alone shall man live,' and instead of having a covering, those who have stripped off the garment of sin have clothed themselves ^D in the rock."

31. And Zosimas, hearing that she also remembered Scriptural passages—from Moses, and Job, and the book of Psalms—said to her, "Have you, my lady, encountered the Psalms or other books?" She, hearing this, smiled and says to the old man: "Believe me, man, I have not seen another human face since the day I crossed the Jordan, except for your face today; nor even a wild beast or any other animal.

Letters, therefore, I have never learned. Nor have I heard any person chanting or reading; but the Word of God, being living and active, itself teaches man knowledge. ^A Thus far is the end of my story. But just as I did at the beginning of this narrative, now too I adjure you by the incarnation of the Word of God, to pray for me, the profligate, for the sake of the Lord." When she had said these things, and brought her speech to an end here, she hastened to make a prostration. And the elder again with tears cried out: "Blessed is God, who works great and wondrous things, glorious and extraordinary, of which there is no number. Blessed is God, who shows me how much He grants to those who fear Him; for truly, Lord, You have not forsaken those who seek You."

^B 32. But she, taking hold of the elder, did not permit him to make a full prostration, but said to him: "All these things which you have heard, man, I adjure you by our Savior Christ our God, tell them to no one, until the time when God shall release me from the earth. But for now, go in peace, and in the coming year you shall see me again, and you shall appear to me, preserved by the grace of God. But do this, for the Lord’s sake, which I now command you. In the holy fast of the coming year do not cross the Jordan, as you are accustomed to do for the sake of the monastery." Zosimas was amazed to hear that she even spoke of the rule of the monastery, and he said nothing else but, "Glory to God, who grants great things to those who love Him." She then said, "Remain, Abba, as I said, in the monastery; for not even if you wished to go out would it be well for you. But on the holy evening of the Mystical Supper, take for me of the life-giving body and blood of Christ into a holy vessel ^C worthy of such mysteries, and bring it, and remain at the very edge of the Jordan bank that is closer to the inhabited land, so that, coming there, I may partake of the life-giving gifts. For since that time when I partook in the temple of the Forerunner, before I crossed the Jordan, until now, I have not attained this sanctification; and now I desire it with unbearable longing. Wherefore I ask and entreat you not to disregard my request, but by all means bring me these life-giving and divine mysteries at the very hour when the Lord made His disciples partakers of the divine supper. And to John, the abbot of the monastery in which you live, say these things: 'Attend to yourself and to your flock; for certain things are done there that are in need of correction.' But I do not wish you to tell him these things now, but when the Lord shall permit you." Having said these things, and saying to the elder, "Pray for me," she ran off again into the depths of the desert. Zosimas, kneeling and bowing to the ground where her footprints had stood, giving glory to God and offering thanks, returned in joy of soul and body, glorifying and blessing Christ our God; and again traversing that desert, he reached the monastery on the day when the other monks were accustomed to return.

CAPUT IV.

53. For that entire year Zosimas remained silent, not daring to disclose to anyone ^D any of the things he had seen; meanwhile, he prayed to God in his heart that He would once again show him the desired countenance. He was troubled and pained, thinking how long the period of the year was, and wishing for that whole year to be but a single day, if that were possible. But when the Sunday which marks the beginning of the fast arrived, the others all went out immediately after the customary prayer, chanting; but a feverish illness took hold of him and forced him to remain inside. Zosimas then remembered what the holy woman had said, namely, "Not even if you wished to go out of the monastery will it be possible for you." Some few days passed, and he rose from his illness and spent the remaining time in the monastery.

^A When the monks returned again, and the evening of the mystical supper approached, he did what had been commanded him. Taking the immaculate body and precious blood of Christ our God into a small cup, he also placed in a small basket dried figs, dates, and a little lentil pulse soaked in water. He departed in the deep evening and sat at the edge of the Jordan, awaiting the arrival of the Saint. As time passed and the holy woman did not appear, Zosimas did not grow drowsy, but gazed unceasingly into the desert, waiting to see what he so longed to see. As he sat, the elder said to himself: "Could it be that my unworthiness has prevented her from coming? Or perhaps she came, and not finding me, turned back?" Saying these things, he shed tears; and having wept, he sighed, and lifting his eyes to heaven, he besought God, saying: "Do not deprive me, Master, of seeing again what Thou didst allow me to see. Let me not go away empty, carrying my sins as a reproach." Having prayed thus with tears, he fell into another train of thought, and said to himself: "What if she does come? How will she cross? For there is no boat at hand. How, therefore, will she pass over the Jordan and come to me, the unworthy one? Woe is me for my unworthiness! Woe is me for my wretchedness! Who has justly deprived me of such a good?"

^B While the elder was reasoning thus, behold, the holy woman arrived and stood on the far side of the river from where she had come. Zosimas arose, rejoicing and exulting and glorifying God. But then the thought began to struggle with him, that she could not cross the Jordan. He saw her, however, sign the Jordan with the sign of the precious cross (for it was a night of full moon, as he had related), and as soon as she sealed it, she stepped upon the water and walked on top of the waves, coming toward him. While he wished to prostrate himself, she forbade him, crying out even as she walked upon the water: "What are you doing, abba, being a priest and carrying the divine mysteries?" And as he yielded to what was said, she stepped from the water and said to the elder: "Bless, Father, bless." The elder answered her, trembling (for ecstasy had seized him at the paradoxical sight): "Truly faithful is God, who promised that those who purify themselves continue to be made like unto God as far as is possible. Glory to Thee, Christ our God, who hast not cast away my prayer nor Thy mercy from Thy servant. Glory to Thee, Christ our God, who hast shown me through this Thy handmaid how far I am from perfection." While he spoke these things, the woman asked him to recite the holy Symbol of the Faith and the "Our Father who art in heaven." This being done, and the prayer having reached its end, she offered the kiss to the elder on his mouth according to custom. And thus, partaking of the life-giving mysteries, she raised her hands to heaven, sighed with tears, and thus cried out: "Now lettest Thou Thy servant depart in peace, O Master, according to Thy word; for my eyes have seen Thy salvation."

^C Then she said to the elder: "Forgive me, abba, and fulfill another desire of mine. Go now to the monastery, guarded by the grace of God, and in the coming year come again to that same ravine where I met you before. Come by all means for the Lord's sake, and you will see me again as the Lord wills." And he answered her: "Would that it were possible to follow you from now on, and always behold your honorable face! But do you grant one request of the elder, and partake of this small sustenance I have brought." And saying this, he showed her the basket he was carrying. She touched the pulse with the tips of her fingers, and taking three grains, she brought them to her own mouth, saying that the grace of the Spirit was sufficient to keep the substance of the soul undefiled. And saying this, she said again to the elder: "Pray, for God's sake, pray for me, and remember my humility." And he, embracing the feet of the Saint, and praying her to intercede for the Church.

and for the kingdom, and for himself, let her go with tears, and departed sighing and lamenting; for he no longer dared to detain the one who could not be held. ^A And she, signing the Jordan again, stepped upon the water, and walking, crossed it just as she had before. The elder returned, filled with much joy and fear, reproaching himself that he had not sought to learn the name of the Saint; though he hoped, nevertheless, to attain that in the coming year.

37. ^B Tracing the circuit of the year, he returned again to the desert, doing everything according to custom, and hastening to that marvelous spectacle. Having traveled the distance of the desert, and reaching certain signs that indicated the search for the place, he looked to the right and left, casting his eyes everywhere, like an experienced hunter, to see if he might trap the sweetest prize. But when he saw nothing moving anywhere, he began again to soak himself with tears; and lifting his eyes upward, he prayed, saying: "Show me, O Master, Your unassailable treasure, which You have hidden in this desert; show me, I beseech You, the angel in the body, of whom the world is not worthy." And praying thus, he reached the place which was shaped like a stream-bed, and saw, toward the part of it that faces the rising sun, the holy woman lying dead. Her hands were composed as was fitting, and she was lying facing the East. Running to her, he washed the feet of the Blessed one with tears; for he did not dare to touch any other part.

38. ^C Having recited the Psalms suitable to the time and the occasion, he performed the funeral prayer, and said within himself: "Is it right to bury the body of the Saint? Or would this perhaps displease the Saint if it were done?" And saying this, he saw an inscription traced in the earth at her head, through which these things were written: "Abba Zosimas, bury in this place the body of humble Maria, return dust to dust, and pray for me constantly to the Lord, after I have been perfected, on the month of Pharmuthi, according to the Egyptians, which is April according to the Romans (56), on the very night of the saving Passion, after the participation of the divine and mystical Supper." Having read these letters, the elder rejoiced that he had learned the name of the Saint; and he realized that as soon as she had partaken of the divine mysteries by the Jordan, she had immediately arrived at this place where she was perfected; and the path which Zosimas had traveled with twenty days of labor, Maria had covered in one hour, and immediately departed to the Lord.

39. ^D Glorifying God, and watering the body with his tears, "It is time," he said, "humble Zosimas, for you to fulfill what you have been commanded. But how will you make a grave, miserable one, having nothing at all in your hands?" And saying this, he saw a short piece of wood thrown a little way off in the desert; which, taking, he began to dig, as it were. But the earth being dry, it did not at all yield to the laboring elder; but he was exhausted, flowing with sweat. Sighing deeply from the bottom of his spirit, and looking up, he saw a great lion standing by the body of the Saint, and licking her tracks. He, seeing the beast, became trembling with fear, especially remembering the words of Maria, who had said that she had never seen a wild animal. But having signed himself with the sign of the cross, he believed that the power of her who lay there would keep him unharmed. And the lion began to fawn upon the 37 elder, not only greeting him with movement, but also with the offering of itself.